Asia is terrifying. With its obscure languages, stifling humidity, tropical foliage, peculiar deities, dubious military regimes, weird food and proximity to historically hazardous war zones, American citizens would be insane to go near any part of it. The only Westerners capable of successfully navigating Asia’s myriad unpredictable hazards seem to be washed-up ageing military types with a penchant for hookers and karaoke. Toss a white bread Southern family, freshly reassigned by their shady industrial employers, into even the most innocuous Asian city, and a full-blown coup d’etat is almost guaranteed to erupt the moment they step off the plane. The streets will be awash with blood by morning, as white-faced bystanders are gunned down with indiscriminate ferocity and abandon.